Monday, July 16, 2007

Baby needed.

Baby needed.
Originally uploaded by pezdiva.

Well, I don't need a baby but my friend needs her baby not just for wearing these wee little knits but her own sanity.

I guess you could say, I am smitten with tiny knits. However, all this wee baby knitting has helped me come to the very real and hard to come to decision that our family is complete. My baby lust is wearing away as I see my friend's body change and her family dynamic change with it. I am done, I am very much ready to be Auntie to the new babies that grace my life.

Knitting is funny, in the most basic sense, knitting is just turning string into fabric but there can be more if you need it to be. I think only a real knitter can understand how healing those simple stitches can be. Knitting has brought me peace in times of turmoil, and I have cried many tears while holding double pointed needles, the simple spiral comforting me in ways that no human could. When I talk about therapy knits, I think of my French Market Bag, a huge felted bag that made shape in the Children's hospital.

French Market Bag
But now I will also think of this little layette, I daydreamed while knitting this and cried a bit too over the fact that I will never knit tiny items like this for my own babies. And I guess, this was the very mourning process I needed, to mourn the last baby I will never have but also delight in the fact that I will never have to wash poop out of a hand knit soaker ever again.

Insert Baby Here.


LeaAnna said...

So very true! I'm glad you've been able to find some peace through all of this. And your knitting looks fantastic.

Steff said...

The knitting is as beautiful as your words when writing about it. I understand that bittersweet feeling while knitting for a tiny baby and knowing I will not have another. :\
That bag is fabulous. I really love it. Glad it was good for passing time.

Dani said...

Beautiful knitting. Your post is so very true and really echoed for me. You said it perfectly.

Gina said...

Pez, that is the loveliest layette I have ever seen. There is so much love knitted into those items that Ari will surely feel it. I'm with you on the mourning bit, but that happened for me a few months ago. And for me, it was more about coming to terms with whether or not I was being selfish for not wanting another child, and would I regret it later? Certainly there is no pressure from Michael to have another; he is feeling great with two. But I am at peace with the decision. And I am glad you are, too.

~Melissa~ said...

So well said. You have made such beautiful things, I'm glad it helped you work through feelings, thoughts and brought you some peace. Knitting kind of provides a timeline doesn't it?